She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize