I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
