It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
