i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
