I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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