Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
