I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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