So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
