Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
