well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
