Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
