yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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