I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize