Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
