go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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