just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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