Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
