glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
