There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
