Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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