Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
