I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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