everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
