I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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