So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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