Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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