On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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