He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drake has all the answers
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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