I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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