another moral hangover. fuck.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
