Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize