i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize