Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
