I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
