There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
