i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
