Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
