you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize