so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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