Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pooping to opera.
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