thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found puke in my bra..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
