So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
