New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
