Cold hands, warm shart.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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