I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
