i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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