She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
