Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
