a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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