i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
