woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
