dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
