Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
