Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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