it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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