I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
