Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
