why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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