Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
