we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
