Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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