he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
