we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
