T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
