Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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