It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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