Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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