Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize