haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
whose parrot is this?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
