When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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