theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need to sanitize my soul.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
