You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
