the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
