i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
