How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
