I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
