Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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