So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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