We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
