what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
