Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize