i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
