i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What drink are we having for lunch?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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