The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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