If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
